Another day, another town....

Today was another day of unsurety. My husband and I still have no idea where we will be living in literally the next month! Well, we do now...but not until after 3pm today. It's London. I'm pretty sure of it.

Knowing that my time in CH could be scarce, my immediate reaction was to attempt to internalize everything Zurich and to become introspective of our time here. I had a marvellous afternoon with my friend, BvK and her son JvK and as they ran off and played in the park, I took a moment to bask in the soft summer sun and notice how it glistened on Lake Zurich, knowing that it was not a sight I would be able to enjoy much longer. Thinking how nice it was here...

Then, as I attempted to walk to the museum...I was reminded of the strangeness of this country. The museum was only open 3 days a week and only from 1-5 (in a country where everything claims to be open, 8-12 or 2-6). I then saw two old swiss bitties -well, I thought they were bitties but a more accurate word would just include the bit** part.

In another incident of suffering from being an American abroad, I was not only polite but nice to them. Foolish choice. It's funny, people always rag on Americans for disinterest in the world or being wary of strangers...but the truth be told, we're the ones you'll see smiling at you on the tube. We're the ones, you'll see innocently trying to chat with locals or attempting to see all of the monuments on the tourist blog. Many Europeans make fun of us for it, but growing up in a country and taking pride in ignoring it's culture (a.k.a being british and never seeing the british museum, being swiss and barely speaking one real language) is a far worse crime than trying to stuff your 2weeks holiday with every sight you can see a la 'If it's Tuesday, it must be Belgium'.

Those of you who know me (which I hope is everyone reading), know I was miserable our last time in London but my time in Zurich has been so depressing and disenfranchising despite my TRYING SO HARD...that I've hit a point where I feel like well, I might as well be lonely,empty and depressed in a town where we make lots of cash! I begin to wonder if I'll ever be a non-depressive person again. To think- I always thought I was so Polyana. I also remember thinking I was an over-achiever with a killer resume, but my time in Zurich and London have reduced me to feelings of worthlessness and alienation.

I also wonder if I can train myself to not be friendly and polite, since I begin to think that the people who get ahead...for instance, Jackie Kennedy or Grace Kelly, were people who were not interested in being nice to other people and the meaner they were, the more they got...but then, I think, yes, but that goes against my Christian ideals and I want to make this a better place..
and then, I think, well heck, look what they did to Christ?! Do I want that, but then because I have this bizarre pre-programming to do the right thing (okay, except with sharing chocolate), I find I can't be mean even if I try.... caddy maybe, but not mean.

The other day, I tried this novel idea of NOT smiling at people but I actually think it takes more energy to not smile at them than to smile...and I wonder how much energy the people who actually stare and scowl must use..I imagine it's immense. It's no wonder the two old hags at the Museum were so trim, infact borderline anorexic?! Maybe they were just starving for love...and a sandwich!